Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
