i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
