I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
