literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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