Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
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