I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
