that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Randomize
