we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Ladies don't puke and tell
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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