She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
