If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
