All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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