she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
