i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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