are you still at the devil's house?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
