The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
