after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
