I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
