btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
