we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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