I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
