I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
