He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Operation Purity has been aborted
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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