I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
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