dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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