do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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