White coat. Heels.
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
