She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
