woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
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