chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
