no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
