btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
