Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
