It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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