I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
