I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Holy sore nipples Batman
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
