Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
