He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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