Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
