No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
