Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
