ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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