Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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