I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
