Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
