dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
