You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
