Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
