In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
