you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
