come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
