Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
4 words: hood of his car
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
