Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
