i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
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