trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
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