Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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