may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
