i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Randomize
