it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
