Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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