Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
